O CANADA

ALL HAIL, GREAT NEIGHBOR TO THE NORTH:

Well, beloved neighboring country, the umpteenth person has invited me to leave the United States, so I am writing to you today to request citizenship in your great nation.

First, let me address your potential concerns regarding the above-mentioned invitations. You see, I have been advocating for health insurance reform here in the United States (please do stifle your giggles for a wee while), and the Angry Group (nee Dana Gould) has decided that those of us who support reform would be happier there in Canada, because your health care system is purportedly the model for the reform we are trying to shove down everyones' throats here (I'm truly not into that shoving down business, Canada, I assure you--I'm just repeating the rhetoric I keep hearing...). So, even though I love my country, perhaps it's time for me to listen to the in-crowd. Hence, my sincere request to gain admittance to your great nation.

Anyway, here's my resume for your consideration:

I am reasonably intelligent, with a BA from an ivy league college and a Master's in Sociology. I have a fair command of the English language, and am willing to learn French (I'm already learning to speak Spanish, which is great fun!).

I do a lot of volunteer work with children, and with survivors of relationship violence. I will certainly continue to do volunteer work after I move to your fine nation, in whatever capacity works best for you.

I am a teacher. Granted, I'm currently unemployed, but I really love teaching and I genuinely enjoy working with young people. My last administrator told me I'm too intelligent to teach "these kids" (by which I can only surmise she meant the overwhelmingly Latino population in our school). But, my kids loved me and they worked very hard to learn math with me. I prefer to reframe my former administrator's assertion: I am skilled now with multicultural groups, which should stand me in good stead there in Canada, although I'll be the new kid on the block.

Oh, I'm also an artist. I would like to continue to create art there in Canada, and am quite willing to explore the artistic sensibilities of your wonderful myriad cultures. I will bring my own resources with me, so you won't have to provide anything extra for my art addiction.

I am an activist and a pacifist. I know, I know--these labels are frequently contradictive here in the Angry Group-dominated climate in the US, but there are a few of us who remain active while advocating for peace. Suffice it to say, I'm a fix-it kinda gal, and would like to remain involved in political activities in a like manner in your fine country.

I suppose I should be completely honest with you about my health--or lack thereof. I do have an old back injury that will require some kind of intervention. I've been told I need an MRI, but I have not had the resources nor the insurance here in the US to afford me that opportunity. I regret to be such a health care burden right out of the chute, but I promise I will do everything possible to recover my good health and to stay healthy and productive for the remainder of my days on this fine planet.

Oh, and I hate to rush you on this decision, O Canada, but I am currently unemployed (and NOT because I don't want to work--I assure you that Ms. Malkin is dreadfully mistaken on this issue). I am having a difficult time getting a new teaching position in this rather insular district where everyone knows everyone else, and my former administrator has certainly warned everyone that I tend to use such words as "uber" and "ubiquitous"--which no red-blooded Texan would EVER consider proper English.

So, if you could rush your decision, I will be eternally grateful.

I look forward to hearing from you soon. In the meanwhile, I am teaching myself the words to "O Canada." Such a lovely anthem...

Until next we correspond, I remain ever your most humble

Silence B. Damned